I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
