Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
