I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
