You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
