i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
