It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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