Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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