Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
