Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
