Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
