Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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