Plan B is the new Plan A
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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