Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
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