My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
