We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
