mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
