i think my tv is drunk
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she smelled like a LAN party
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
