I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
