I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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