a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
