WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
