I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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