so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
