At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
