the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
