you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You made out with two different species that night
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
