four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
