Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
