I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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