what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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