Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
