I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
