i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
