3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
