I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
there is puke in my bra ... again
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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