conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Randomize
