Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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