Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
