she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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