I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
