You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
