today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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