I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
