u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
