I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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