I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
