he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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