I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
