When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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