I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
