people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
