My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
