The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
