we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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