if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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